Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
