its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
