3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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