actually, I'm a sock model
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
