My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
