So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
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