Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
