Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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