Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
