when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
