Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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