i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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