Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
