i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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