so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
