Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So much Jack, so little girl.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
