Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
