is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
