Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
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