best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
