i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
