and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
