You just made me feel so damn special
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
