Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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