living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
