It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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