hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
