dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
