oh fat girl friday strikes again...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
