Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
