fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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