Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ladies don't puke and tell
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
