i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is Oprah even human
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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