I just saw a hot homeless man
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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