does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
