if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
