Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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