Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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