Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
