my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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