I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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