I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
