whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
