He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize