so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
