don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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