Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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