rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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