She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
