he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
