Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
