I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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