They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
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I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
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You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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