Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
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He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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