my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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