And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
