I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I believe in your delicious
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
