Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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