:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.