O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
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The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?