What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT