It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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