Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
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We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.