I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic