After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize