oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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