Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
