blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
