I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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