wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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